Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Bah humbug!

Can you say that for Halloween? Well, Im saying it cause I am not in the halloween mood. Halloween Schmalloween, I think I'd be enjoying it if there was alcohol involved or a hot boy.

So you guys try and enjoy it for me, k?

Sunday, October 29, 2006

Memo #3

You shouldn't tell me that Im hot and that my bangs are cute after you've rejected me.

Oh and then

When I bite my toungue and hold myself back because I have to see you every week and you're friends with my friends don't send a confusing message.

I preffer silence from you once I find out you don't have any balls.

Let me help you find your balls

Fucking men.

If I ask you if you'd like to have dinner or coffee with me sometime, then I expect a yes or no. Don't try and spare my feelings.

Don't try and be clever and cute by telling me I would break your friend's/roomate's heart and that Id also be a homewrecker. Then don't tell me how you had an awesome time Friday night dancing and how you have to throw another party at your house so we could dance it up.

Why don't you fucking grab your balls, grunt, fart and adjust your balls and tell me, "No."

You don't even have to say thanks. Just say, "No I don't think I want to go out to dinner with you."

Tell me that you're not interested, don't fucking throw out that your friends likes me. First of all I didn't even know he liked me and you and I both know that hell would have to freeze over for me to be interested in your friend. Your friend has met me ONCE, Im sure he wouldn't be heartbroken.

Ok, sure you're trying to be a nice guy but it took you a whole fucking day to come up with the friend excuse? Why didn't you tell me that right away, because if that's really why you don't want to have dinner with me then you could have easily thrown that out yesterday, it's pretty obvious you were thinking of how exactly to let me down.

First of all don't give yourself that much credit, Im not heartbroken. Second of all grow some fucking balls. Third, learn how to be a better fucking liar. Fourth don't ever insult my intelligence again by throwing a little white lie my way.

You don't have balls, you're a liar and you don't have pre-marital sex. So really, I didn't want to date you in the first place.

Friday, October 27, 2006

Not for your Mom

Or mine.

This is the comment Bob left on my myspace page:

Blog = on the list.
Mom = can never know.

Yeah Bob my Mom AND Dad can never know about this blog either. I think they'd have a heart attack and then after the get over the initial shock of my perveted, corruped, sinful ways they'd perform an exorcism on me.

Yes internet, sometimes I don't cuss or use the word cunt. This normally happens at church or around my parents, as Bob kindly put it on her blog roll, for mature audiences ONLY.

So in conclusion everyone is welcome to my blog if you don't like the dirtyness, then move along.

You're not my Mom internet, I don't have to censor myself for you.

This is revolting

Im no longer going to do the Love Thursday posts, they make me want to puke.

Im sorry I exposed you guys to that. God damn it I need my fucking alcohol, Im not sweet, Im not nice. I hate rainbows (no not gays, rainbows, I hate rainbows), bunnies, and clowns. I don't throw up peace signs, hug trees, and dream of the world being perfect.

I am self righteous, bitchy, critical, and brutally honest. Im plain fucking evil. Im evil with a little fun. Im a cunt. Im a bitchy cunt.

Normally this weekend Id be participating in Halloween activities, dressing up in a really slutty costume (I love being slutty) but instead Im going to help with the kids carnival at church and then NOTHING.

Im fucking pathetic but Im not going to drink because even though I love being a raging alcoholic I love being a bitchy cunt that is insanely stubborn even more and I will not let anyone prove me wrong. Im not going to drink because I don't want to hear, "I knew you couldn't do it!"

On December 21st Im going to go on a bender, Im going to drink Austin fucking dry, I will pass out, black out and puke all night.

Don't worry about me, I'll be ALRIGHT. I THINK.

Thursday, October 26, 2006

Love Thursday

Forgiveness is a true revelation that God exists.

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It's not easy to mend a broken love but love will never die if it's true.


So kickball is over and I need something to do, something to make me feel like Im doing something productive, something semi athletic.

So what did I do?

I signed up for a dance class. A hard core dance class that includes modern, hip hop and some other type of dancing into it. Now while I am expert booty dancer, and I dance some salsa and merenge I have never had any formal instrucion.I've never danced with structure, and beat counts and technique requirements. The 6 months of ballet class I took when I was like 5 do not count. Im mean Im pretty sure I was awesome at the plie and piroutte but my parents decided that any type of dancing comes from the devil and they shattered my ballerina dreams.

I start class today and Im super excited, Im ready to get my ass kicked and get all Flashdance up in that dance studio, if not I'll just bust out some Miss New Booty moves because those moves, those moves always work.

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

This makes my panties wet

Seriously, watching this makes me pee a little every time.


So internet (Snippy, Santi, Bob!) let's plan on getting a group together at Alamo Draft House to watch this.

It comes out November 3rd! Which is next Friday.

You guys can have beer/wine etc and I'll try to take it easy on the hot chocolate, because I am not missing this one.

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Not my idea of fun

Do not EVER EVER EVER say that your life is boring. Cause that clever, little guy up there, Hey there Jesus!

Well you know apparently according to Baby Jesus you shouldn't be bitching about your life being boring when you have SO MUCH work to do. Oh no, do not bitch because that's when you're going to get blindsided by a bunch of work. It will get thrown at you, all at once and it will need to be done RIGHT AWAY. AT THE SAME TIME, because they are all EQUALLY VERY IMPORTANT.

Then you will get bitched at because you're not super woman. (Small secret: I REALLY AM super woman, but I do not utilize my super powers at work, they don't even pay me enough to use my retard powers.)

But apparently a rhough day at work isn't enough punishment for bitching at Baby Jesus.

So then you will finally escape work and have to skip the gym because relatives are coming in and your Mom decides it's spring cleaning all over again. So Mom is spring cleaning and you're in charge of cooking dinner. Yeah, dinner. As in I have to make it from scratch, cause damn it we are not Gringos and we don't eat frozen food.

But because Im SUPER WOMAN as we speak I have mashed potatoes and wild rice pilaf on the stove. A small green salad in the fridge and tadah - A SMALL TURKEY in the oven. (Yeah, I don't know why I'm still single either)

Dear God,
Perhaps you didn't get the memo but my idea of fun isn't work. Especially not when Im swamped with it, and then bitched at. I love to cook but not when it interrupts my work out. So really let's fix this a.s.a.p or I am starting to drink again, TOMORROW.

The cat lady minus the cats

My life is BORING.

- up at 5 .m.
- work from 7 a.m. - 6 p.m.
- no more alcohol
- no boys
- no sex
- church
- no more kickball
- bed by 10 p.m.

Seriously, I need some help. The lack of alcohol has ruined my life.

I miss drunk dialing, sex, passing out, and being hung over.

What can I say? The most fun I've ever had was when I was being trashy.

Sunday, October 22, 2006

Stupid girl

Yup, that's me. Im letting not having him get to me again.

I plan on running at 5 a.m. tomorrow, but I don't know if I'll be up for it. I won't be able to sleep tonight, if I do it will be with a soaked pillow.

The sad thing is he wasn't mean.

He was sweet and he said, "Sweet dreams."

Those two words make me miss him, the sweetest dreams I've ever had have been in his arms.

Friday, October 20, 2006

Bush's genitals to talk Iraq strategy

The headline (haha headline) actually reads:

Bush, generals to talk Iraq strategy

Yeah so Im a little perverted.

Seriously though, the whole Iraq situation well it can be summarized by my interpretation of the headline. Really Mr. President it's a sad when a Republican says that.

Thursday, October 19, 2006

The Incredible Honduran

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Today was Team Ramrod's last kickball game of the season. The game went something like this:

We might actually win this one.

We are going to win this one.

We are getting our asses kicked.

We are going to lose AGAIN.

Hey omg we totally kicked ass and caught up.

OMG we're going to win!

OMG OMG Emma scored a run making 8-7!

No really, OMG Emma scored a run.

And Emma is running around and jumping like an idiot because OMG She scored a run.

Oh wait but we let them score and now we're tied.

Yeah so we tied our last game 8-8.

But really all that matters is that I SCORED A RUN.

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My Constant

When I'm lost in the rain,In your eyes I know I'll find the light to light my way.And when I'm scared,And losing ground,When my world is going crazy,You can turn it all around.And when I'm down you're there- pushing me to the top.
You're always there,giving me all you've got.

When I lose the will to win,
I just reach for you and
I can reach the sky again.
I can do anything
'Cause your love is so amazing,
'Cause your love inspires me.
And when I need a friend,
You're always on my side
Giving me faith
taking me through the night
For a shield from the storm,
For a friend, for a love
to keep me safe and warm
I turn to you.

I know we have our differences. I know that I've let you down too many times. I know that I don't deserve all you do and continue to do for me, but that is why you're the light of my life. Your compassion, love, forgiveness and encouragement drive me every day. I promise your prayers will not go unanswered, I promise I will make you proud one day. Im sorry Im not the daughter you deserve but I thank you for loving me despite of all my faults. I can't ever say that there is no one there, because you never leave me. You're my constant, my true friend, my heart.

This post brought to you by Love Thursday.

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Kids Church Lesson Plan

Taught by: Me

1) Sinning might send you to hell but it's way more fun than church.

2) Lying is not always bad, little white lies can be very beneficial.

3)Be respectful or your parents, get good grades and don't break the law. The better your parents think you are the more you can get away with.

4) Drinking is not bad, actually being drunk is the MOST. FUN. EVER.

5) Actually drinking is Second MOST.FUN. EVER.

5) Sex is the MOST. FUN. EVER.

6) Being promiscous may get you pregnant or give you a strange discharge, but don't worry that's what condoms are for

7) Stay away from older hot chicks who try to talk to you on myspace, because your parents really are right the end result of that is no fun.

8) The coolest most popular kids sin, you should too.

* This post was once again brought to you by my extreme sarcasm. I taught the kids what I was supposed to teach them. After all it's much more fun to discover the wonderful world of sinning all on your own.

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Why I babysit on ocassion


No humans coming out this cooter, ANY TIME SOON, if EVER.

It also helps that I haven't had sex in FOREVER.

Yay for no ripping of my sweet sweet vagina.

Cause I know that's the mental picture you needed, and on that note sweet dreams.

Remember that media guy I pissed off?



Yeah and I was totally wrong to call him a tool right?

*rolls eyes*

Yeah, that's right I rolled my eyes at your internet.

Monday, October 16, 2006

The game that almost made me crap my pants

I went a little camera crazy at the game on Sat, so I had to pic my favorites to show you guys.

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Yes, I took lots of pictures of the marching band. I admit I love marching bands. Yes, I was a band geek at one point, I marched in the band and I played the flute and NO I didn't stick it in my vagina.

Here is my favorite:

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Isn't burnt orange beautiful?

The games was fun except for the whole first quarter when the horns were playing like shit and when we were losing 10-0 to FREAKING Baylor. That's just not right horns, don't put your fans through that.

Luckily we did end up kicking some major Baylor Bear ass.

I wish I had cool pictures to show of my friend and I at the game but we ended up asking these old guys to take the pictures and they ended up being super big pervs and they took a picture of my ass instead.

When it started to rain they also asked us why we brought super large condoms to the game, puke.

Behold my head in a large condom:

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You know you're really kickin some ass in a game when you stop to take silly self pictures:

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But Dude, "I Put Out."

Sloppy wrote a list of why he's such an eligible bachelor, the dude says he has, "10 inches of uncircumcised fun." Pretty impressive, eh?

So his little list got me thinking, man Im single and Im a good catch too, so here is my list of why Im such good girlfriend material:

- Im funny, I mean hello have you read my blog?
(ok so maybe Im not hilarious but I'll look pretty sitting right next to you)

- Im foreign

(so I've lived here for 15 years and I have no accent, I also sound like a valley girl sometimes but hey at least I already have my green card)

- I take good care of my appereance

(I will also always make you late because of this, at least an hour, but did I mention Id look good?)

- My Mom is hot

(you know that whole thing about look at a girl's Mom to see what she's going to look like in the future)

-Im intelligent

(ok more of a smartass, but you know guys love it when girls talk shit right?)

- I love beer

- I cuss

- Im perverted

(Yeah I promise Im not a dike, seriously, I like penises)

- I can turn my alcoholism on and off

(that's right I'll make your parents think im normal)

- Im not clingy

(you don't ever have to worry about me being outside your bedroom window)

- I know when to shut up

(Well, I will once you tell me to. Although I might slap you right before, but I'll shut up. )

- I am fluent in spanish

(this will come in handy when you're trying to make that drug deal with the Colombian drug lords, or when you have to tell your gardener how you want your bushes trimmed)

- I can cook

(Im also a really messy cook, and you're damn right Im going to make you wash the dishes)

- I won't make you go shopping with me.

(Just hand me your credit card and that will make up for your absence)

- I will watch sports with you.

(I will even pretend that Im actually enjoying them)

- I don't get jealous.

(this means you can't get jealous either)

- You can have all the boys night outs you want.

(but just so you know Im going to be on a girls night out and those get pretty wild)

- Im bossy.

(but guys like that whole domination thing right?)

Im also pretty clever.

I just made you eligible bachelors read this whole list, when really I could just have saved you time and told you that I put out.

Because really, I do. Like a lot. Like I wear most men out, a lot. And really isn't that the best quality a girl can have?

If you find yourself saying, " No Emma sex isn't everything."

Well then you're either

1) A liar
2) Haven't been serviced by me.

Im just saying let's cut out all that qualities, schmalities b.s. and get down to what really matters, cause really I could go for some sex right now.

Saturday, October 14, 2006

Busy Weekend

Last night was salsa dancing:

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That drink in my hand is a diet coke and bacardi minus the bacardi.

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That's me having a good alcohol free time.

I will be attending the UT vs Baylor game this evening and Im super excited. I haven't been to a game in a while.

I will stay away from beer, promise. Pics to come.

Friday, October 13, 2006

Addictive Personality

Apparently the personality that God has blessed me with is Addictive.

I get addicted to everything. This would explain why I go to Sephora and spend $200 at lunch, cause really internet I needed all those beauty products. It also explains why everyone is surprised I haven't had anything to drink in 21 DAYS, but again Im not counting.

So I give up alcohol (but only for a couple of months) and now Im addicted to something else, Altoids Sour Chewing Gum, sour apple flavor to be specific.

Hello yumminess.

Hello one tin in less than a day, hello raw toungue.

Now I can blame my not getting any on having a raw toungue, cause really who wants to make out with someone who's toungue appears to be a playground for the herpes virus?

Damn you sour gum at least alcohol got me laid.

Thursday, October 12, 2006

Love Thursday

A lot of the blogs I read on a daily basis are "Mommy blogs." I know it seems odd because I am a single, 20 something girl. My blog/life content is VERY different from those of the "Mommy" blogs. Well mostly because Im not a Mommy.

One of the Mommy bloggers, Chookooloonks started a blog movement called Love Thursday which has now turned into the website Love Is All Around

"Love Is All Around" is a site that proves that love is, indeed, all around us.Written by Irene Nam and Karen Walrond, this site arose from the popular "Love Thursday" submissions that have taken over the blogosphere. From personal stories and photographs submitted by readers, to anecdotes of love that make the front page news, you can find it all here. Because let's face it: you can never have too many reminders of love.

So today I decided I was going to start posting some love on "Love Thursday."

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See that guy looking the other way in the picture? That is Santi.

Santi is one of my closest friends, someone who I've had many deep conversations with but most importanly someone whom I love very much.

That picture was taken the night I first met Santi in person. That's right I met someone from the internet, OMG, GASP!!!

Santi, Bob and I met on a message board, a message board about the Real World: Austin. We talked for months on that message board, about everything. One day the three of us decided that we had a lot of fun on the internet together so why not have fun together in like "real life."

So what better way for us to meet then at a club appearance of Ex Real World cast members:

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See me in the front? See Mike "The Miz" behind me? See Santi flipping off "The Miz" in the background?

See that type of thing, that's what makes me love Santi. With Santi I've experienced many things, many firsts:

Skinny Dipping
Gay Bars
Latin Night at RCC
I met my BFF through him among others
This Blog
Screaming Fights Downtown (2)

That boy is crazy, as crazy as I am, if not even more.

But that boy, that boy is also one of the most beautiful people I've ever met in my life. Santi is kind, patient, intelligent, selfless, truthful, blunt and passionate. You know what I love the most about Santi though? Santi loves hard.

Loving deeply and freely is a hard thing to do, something most people don't know how to do but Santi he does. Santi knows how to love. Although love is hurting Santi at the moment, Santi will never stop loving. He'll never stop seeing good in people and giving his heart out because although Santi is young he has figured out that Love, well it keeps this world spinning.

I love you Santi, I know you're hurting and I know it aches but you my friend will find love more beautiful than you've ever imagined because you have been true with love. You have been true with yourself and given all there is to give, it will not comeback empty. Nothing ever does, especially not love.

Thank you for all you've brought into my life, I have no words to express how thankful I am for your life and for your love in my life. Your soul is among the most beautiful souls on this planet and I am blessed that your life has touched mine.

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I just don't know how to quit him

So Im trying to make some changes. Im removing the negative from my life and bringing in the positive. I talked about it in this blog entry.

Here is what I said I was going to kick to the curb:

1) Midland
2) Drinking
3) Sex
4) Dating

No Drinking: Check

I still haven't had anything to drink, 20 DAYS, but really who's counting?

No sex: Check

I have not had sex, the only action I've gotten in forever is from the floor and fondling my boob enhacement cup.

Dating: Check

Dating? What is that?

So as far as my list goes, so far so good, right?


#1 to quit: Midland

Im pretty sure quitting someone would mean no contact with them. Im also pretty sure that talking to them an hour every night on the phone for a week straight counts as contact. I could lie to you and tell you that really the conversations mean nothing, that it's just a part of the quitting him process, but then Id be lying and I would NEVER lie to you internet.

The things we've talked about:

1) Being nice to each other.
2) Letting go of the past.
3) Repairing our friendship.
4) Spending New Year's together.
5) How things will be when we get married.

That's right, when we get married. Not if we get married, when we get married. As in he wants to marry me as in we've talked about rings and me moving closer.

Marriage= not quitting someone FOREVER.

Midland= something I just don't know how to quit.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006


Do not tell your breast enhancement cup story at church.

You should also refrain from recreating the story by pulling out the breast enhancement cup and showing them exactly how it happened.

Apparently church people, they don't find boob stories funny.

How to make an ass of yourself three times in one day:

When someone at your place of employment asks you for extra badge that you borrowed, reach into your purse and pull out your cup enhancer bra insert instead of the badge.

Because really I mean it would make sense to dig into the deep dark black hole that is your purse and feel your boob enhancer because really the squishy foamy thing feels just like the hard plastic square thing. So yeah it totally makes sense to pull it out.

Most importantly when you show the person at your place of employment that you enhance your boob size you have to say, "Man, I've been looking for this."

No, seriously, I have looked like everywhere for that boob enhancer cup. I've been missing one for months, so my boobs have lacked enhancing. Not good. I should have known it was at the bottom of my purse, I mean think about it it makes sense. Im pretty sure the bottom of my purse was the hidding spot I found when I had to take the cup enhancers out before I let some guy feel me up. Ladies you have to take out boob enhancers out of the bra before you get felt up. You can't have men knowing that we cheat a lot little to get their attention.

It also totally makes sense to carry around cup enhancer bra inserts in your purse for months and months. No, seriously you never know when you will need a little enhancement of the boobs to you know well get something or someone you want. Really it makes sense.

The lack of boob enhancers: The reason I haven't gotten any in months.

Mmmm, sweet carpet lovin'

The pressure man, it will make you bust your ass. No, seriously.

So Snippy told me yesterday that I was funny and I was all like, "Omg, I must be really funny cause Snippy told me so."

I mean if you haven't read Snippy's blog you should because she is super duper funny. Snippy is so funny that I seriously ROFL when I read her stuff. She's so funny I roll around and make out with the floor cause damn that was fucking hilarious. Snippy is even funny in real life too, especially when she gets all frustrated because she drank too much and she can't pitch in a perfectly straight line. (remind me to post the video)

Snippy is even funny when she tells me to STFU because I talk too much, normally if you tell me to STFU I'll kick you in the balls or vagina if you lack them. So you get the point right? Snippy is funny.

So Snippy tells me that Im funny and today Im like man I need to post something funny, because Dude I want to make Snippy laugh today. (Snippy hates it when I say Dude)

But today internet, today, is the most unfunny* day ever. So there I was all bummed out because I have nothing funny to write about today and now Snippy isnt't going to think Im funny anymore and then the sky will fall and then all of humanity will cease to exist. Not to mention that having nothing funny to write about also makes for a really gramatically atrocious post.

But then internet, then, I walk out the elevator and then I make out with the brand new shiny tile floor and then people laugh while helping me up. So instead of being all mortified and hiding underneath my desk, I start LMFAO and I start to run to my desk because man that was so fucking funny and I need to blog about it so Snippy can really see that Im funny.

And as I am a few inches away from my desk my heel gets caught in a snag in the carpet and I make out with the old carpet floor by my desk.

And then I heard the desk floor tell the hallway floor man that slut sure does get around and I told the floor , " to STFU Im trying to blog about this so Snippy doesn't forget Im funny."

eta: Yes, I talk to floors. Hello, I also make out with floors. I have a strict policy of requiring everyone I make out with to be able to hold a decent conversation and honestly the floors do a lot better than most guys.

*Yes, I made up a word.

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

You know what really sucks?

Other than the fact that you're so bored at work that you write three blogs in one day.

It sucks when one of your really good friends starts dating this guy that you thought was super hot for the longest time.

She starts dating a guy that you've lusted over and even had a few dirty thoughts with, but really no need to go there.

What really sucks about the situation is that your friend had a boyfriend for the longest time, a boyfriend whom she almost married. While she was in this relationship you and her would joke around about how hot the guy she is dating now is and how man you'd really like to do X, X and X with him.

You and her never thought that she'd end up dating the hot guy, I mean she was getting close to making the biggest committment possible. Even after that whole marriage thing doesn't end up working out for her, you don't think anything of it. Well because she just got out of something super serious and well no one starts to date seriously again right after something like that.

Well except her apparently and with your luck luck she starts dating this super hot guy who you wanted to date. What sucks even more is that you can't be mad at her, because well you never called dibs on him, and really calling dibs on someone is super stupid and it should be against the law.

So there you are in this sucky situation because you want to be so mad and jealous that they are dating and you wish you could say something. Only you don't say anything because you end up hanging out with them and they are so super cute together, and you care for them both. You can't help but be genuinely happy for them.

And then to top it all off you pray that it works out for them because if it doesn't she ruined your changes with him, FOREVER. Because no matter how hot he is and how much you still secretely still lust after him, even if they broke up, you could never date him.

So here you are wishing that you could be pissed off because damn it, SHE MESSED IT ALL UP, but then you just smile because damn you love her and you hope for her that he is the one. Because SERIOUSLY, you don't want to get into ALL THAT mess when he's no longer hers.

Because as good of a friend you're being about the current situation, you just might be tempted to throw friendship out the window because, Damn he really is THAT hot*

*I'm kidding, Im a bitch but Im not THAT big of a bitch.

Or am I? *insert evil laughter here*

And you thought church might actually do some good for me, HAH.

The club's newest members

That club would be the, I Get Hot Girls Because Im Filthy Stinking Rich Club. I mean they are in THAT club, they went right past the I
Get Laid Cause I Have A Hot Car Club
. Well mostly because most women are over serving the hot car club right after high school. Not that I would know anything about that. Seriously though, they even topped the, Im a celebrity club. Thanks to google another pair of nerds went straight up to the top of THE CLUB.

See why I find nerds totally hot? Eventually this is the kind of shit their brains leads them to stumble upon. I like shit that eventually brings in a lot of the green shit that buys you a lot more shit (money). Nothing makes a man sexier than lots of green.

All Im saying is that $1.65 billion dollars buys you a lot of pussy*

*Don't get all offended cause I said pussy. Im calling it like it is.

Rain, rain go away

This is what I look like cause of this weather:

No seriously, Im not exaggerating. Im actually being quite generous. In reality Im really not smiling, I would post a real time picture but Im afraid that my hair is too big to fit into the camera frame.

I really should have thought out this whole bangs things a bit more, at this point more than half of them are sticking sraight up. They're like, "Hey there ceiling!"

Frizzy hair, just another reason why I wish I had a penis.

Monday, October 09, 2006

I will cut you with my baby

Mom Reportedly Throws Baby at Boyfriend in Domestic Dispute
Monday, October 09, 2006

ERIE, Pa. — A woman used her 4-week-old baby as a weapon in a domestic dispute, swinging the infant through the air and striking her boyfriend with the child, authorities said. The baby was critically injured in the attack early Sunday, said District Attorney Bradley Foulk.

"Never, never, never. I can never remember anything like this," Foulk told the Erie Times-News.

Chytoria Graham, 27, of Erie, was charged with aggravated assault, reckless endangerment and simple assault. She was held Monday in the Erie County Jail in lieu of $75,000 bail.

The infant, whose name and gender were not released, was taken to a hospital in Pittsburgh. Authorities did not identify the hospital, and the baby's condition Monday was not released.

There was no immediate indication whether the man Graham is accused of attacking was the baby's father.

Authorities removed four other children from Graham's home and placed them with the Erie County Office of Children and Youth, Foulk said.

What is wrong with people?

Sometimes I feel like throwing things, keyword: things. As in objects, not people. Sometimes I even feel like throwing things at people. But a baby?

Some people should have their vagina sown shut. Seriously, this woman doesn't just need her tubes tied, she needs her damn hole shut. That's right bitch, no sex for you. Then after her hole is closed we'll hand her over to her boyfriend and let him kick the living shit out of her, and this time we won't equip her with a baby.

You know what makes me feel old? When I sit here and wonder, "What the hell is this world coming to?"

All my life that is something I only heard from my elders, and now I watch and read the news and I ask the exact same question.

Another school shooting today. The media just will not shut up about the school shootings. Sure we need to be informed, but does it have to be at the front of every single news website, newspaper, and newscast? Can you just stop talking about the school shootings for a whole five minutes?

It's not that I am not sympathetic towards the victims and communities that these shootings have happened at. As a matter of fact I think the media should just STFU about it to allow them some peace. Let them grieve and attempt to rebuild some normalcy.

What's even worse is that psychopaths feed off that shit. The mind of a psychopath is really not as complicated as everyone thinks. Read about them. They all have the same thought patttern and they have been figured out. They thrive and crave attention. So stop giving it to them. Of course these shootings have similarites, psychopaths aren't the most original people on this earth. They feed off each other, they are copy cats. Stop sharing all the details, you're mapping it out for the next one.

Some people just need to stfu, me included, so end of rant.

Here's your monday humor

You're supposed to laugh assholes, you know that was funny.

I happy to report that I made it through another weekend without any liver damage. I went to 6th to celebrate the weekend victory and I said no to lots of free drink and meaningless sex offers. I also didn't snort any lines of coke and just took a couple of crack hits*

I need my crack internet so don't jugde me. I bet you didn't wake up early to go to church sunday morning, so shut it.

*I don't do crack, it's called sarcasm.

Saturday, October 07, 2006

Don't Mess With Texas

Final Score:

Texas 28
OU 10

And to celebrate here is a pic of my new hair do. Im not sure what I think yet but I decided to go back to my natural dark color, and I decided to spice it up with bangs.

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Hook Em'

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The only good thing that game out of dating frat guys is that I went to that game for free three years in a row and even though every time I've gone UT has lost it was pretty much The.Best.Time.Ever.

Kick some Sooner ass Horns!

Friday, October 06, 2006

Team Ramrod Game 5

Team Ramrod 3
There is no I in beer 6

The other team was mad because we actually gave them a run for their money. They talked lots of shit but it got thrown right back in their face.

They tried to spoil or fun, but come on, we're team Ramrod. WE ARE FUN.

Here are a few pictures from last night and furthermore proof that I am just as fun and crazy sober.

Taking a picture with the cry baby team and STILL having fun:

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The Birthday Boy and Snippy aka our Team Captain and pitcher:

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Santi and Yours Truly:

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And NO, I didn't drink. Haha, told you. YES, I still did have just as much fun if not more. I also learned that alcohol plays no part in my kickball skills, I still suck either way.

Oh and if Snippy gives me persmission I'll post a video of her pitching and getting frustrated. This kickball thing people, sometimes it gets serious.

Thursday, October 05, 2006

Place your bets now

Wanna put money on it?

You guys sure know how to support a girl in her efforts but I will have the last laugh and the first drink as soon as December rolls around.

I went all TLC on my blog

I did a little remodeling.

I thought I should do a small tribute to my promise (to myself) to remain sober until Dentist comes to sweep me off my feet. This is going to be in mid December. Don't worry this does not mean that my blog will be boring.

I still like men, boobs, drinking, being slutty, cussing, scandal, and just being plain stupid. The stories will not change the only thing that will change is that I can no longer blame anything on alcohol.

It should be interesting. No really, no alochol needed for fun here.

I am wasted in every single one of the pictures in my new collage. Those pictures were good times, nothing, I repeat NOTHING will change. The new sober pictures will be way more interesting than the drunk ones. You can take alcohol away from the girl, but you can't take drunk behaviour out of the girl.

Also, Im pretty sure now that I will be sober I'll manage to not lose my camera, and well not losing your camera full of fun pictures is a big part of being able to post fun pictures.

Dear Team Ramrod

Aka Snippy and Santi (because this if for you two specifically).

Im REALLY not drinking tonight.

I am not going to drink until Dentist comes to town and takes me out on a date and this is one promise to myself that I want to keep. I need to test my strenght and what better way to do it then to NOT DRINK?

Looks like you guys are going to have to cover the lush part tonight and don't worry I still have chatter box and slut covered. I will also crack a few jokes about balls REALLY LOUDLY. You're welcome.

So please support me and have a little faith in me K? THANKS.


Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Why Im not having children

Reason #1) I don't want my vagina ripped open.
Reason #2) I also don't want my ass ripped open (yes, it happens).
Reason #3) I like how my boobs and knees are not familiar with each other.
Reason#4) Tickle Me Elmo

Is that not the most annoying thing you've ever seen/heard?

Sissy dog should have ripped Elmo's bitch head off.

OU Weekend

Where is everyone watching the game?

Anyone care to invite me to join them?

Suggestions on where to watch it?

Let me know, cause it's 11:12 a.m. and OU Still SUCKS!

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

The Root of all that is good

Kicking them to the curb:

1) Midland
2) Drinking (only for two months, maybe three, but still)
3) Sex (until I get a boyfriend of course, but STILL)
4) Dating (I guess until a boy aks me out on a date)

I grew up in a very Chrisitian home. My parents are pastors. All my life my parents have instructed me in the ways of God aka no drinking, no sex, no cussing, etc. So basically no fun, or so I thought.

I went out Salsa dancing this weekend, in a bar, and didn't drink. I had a blast. I haven't laughed like I laughed in that night in forever, got a great work out, remember everything and even better I didn't wake up with a hangover.

I guess what Im trying to say is that maybe this whole going to church thing isn't such a bad idea. Even though I told you guys I was going to church to see this guy, once I got there I realized how much I've missed it and how much I needed it. God, got me back there one way or another. He knows me so well he knew it would take a boy to do it. The funny thing is Church Boy wasn't even there.

I have never stopped believe in God, there is nothing in this world that would make me doubt his existence, his love for me, his power. NOTHING. Despite of my "sinning" ways God has never made me feel guilty or condemned. The only people who have ever made me feel that way are my parents, so why did I choose to turn my back on God?

My relationship with God is not about going to church, about church music, reading The Bible, and most importantly it's not to make my parents happy. My relationship with God is for me.

Im sitting at work right now listening to worship music, and you know what? Im having a GREAT day just like I did yesterday. Im not going to stop listening to regular music, or going to clubs, bars, Im not going to act like a saint. The last thing I am is a Saint. Im also not going to be a Bible beater. This is between God and I. Im worrying about my relationship with him, not yours. That's up to you.

However, I am going to welcome God back in my life. Im going to go to Church, listen to Christian music more often, and really think out my actions. The happiest time of my life was my childhood, when I trusted and believed in God with all my heart.

I know that if I change my ways just a little bit, I will begin to see positive change. A much needed change, and I know good things will come my way. I know God loves me that much. I know he's the only one who will look past every mistake that I have made and love me just the same. I know, because I've reached bottom before. When I was looking down at deep bottom, it was my faith in God, and my crying out to him that helped me look deep bottom in the face and say, "I can do this."

Sunday, October 01, 2006

Reason #5065 Why Im going to hell

Im going to attend to church services tomorrow.

No not to repent, to lust over one of the guitar players.

I can't help it, he's got the prettiest blue eyes, he salsa danced with me all night long , he gave me a piggy back ride (and Im a pig, so this is no easy task), he took care of my knee when there was blood gushing out of it, but most of all he made me laugh. Like a lot.

Before you go telling me that Im a horrible person because I have plans of corrupting him, let me tell you he made me laugh, like a lot, because he made a joke about balls.

Not like balls for sports, but balls for sperm storage. The joke wasn't just about any sperm storage balls, it was a joke about sperm storage balls with elephantitis.

And with that he made his way right into my little heart because not only are jokes about balls that store sperm super funny, but they're even funnier when they are about abnormally large sperm storage balls.