diverted path

I saw a piece of myself in you today. One piece. A miniscule piece. Most would find satisfaction in that. I'm never most, especially not when it comes to you. Seeing me wallow in my inadequacies is how you acquire gratification. I am the source of all your strenght.

Your lies do not betray me. I will go foward in sustaining them. I do this for you, the world revolves around you. I can't have my world stop. What would happen to you then?

You're the worst kind. You almost believe the tall tale which you've written. One by one they will fall and I will be there to hold the blame. I will take on that cowardly face because your frailty is my problem.

It's all mine. So give my little piece back, after all it never belonged there in the first place.

DAMN RIGHT!

She said:

You should have stayed up late just to entertain me :)

No Im not drunk.


He said:

i'm sorry your entertainment monkey wasn't available for you at your your beckoning call haha. you weren't drunk? sure? ;) talk to ya later.

She said:

You're my personal entertainment monkey? Im such a lucky girl, especially since you're so cute. Way cuter than any other entertainment monkey I've ever seen, and you're mine. So lucky ;)

and no, not drunk, i havent had alcohol in 42 days, and no Im not counting

He said:

You have no idea ;)

She said:



Perfect!

He said:

nice one, you're good! hah

She said:

Yeah, well. What can I say? Im awesome.

He said:

damn right.


Did you hear that internet? Dentist (the hottest man alive) doesn't just agree that I'm awesome he said damn right, I'm awesome!

And really I am, no one else interrupts him in between countless hours of studying. Just me! Just to tell him that Im bored and to shamelessly flirt with him. I boost his ego A LOT so how can he not think Im awesome? I also happen to be an individual with a vagina that will talk sports and also enjoys all the HARD rock bands that he likes. Sports: AWESOME. HARD rock: AWESOME. Vagina: DAMN AWESOME.

Ok enough of praising me, but seriously internet I looked for hours on-line to find a monkey graphic that would fit his personality and send it to him. I looked for HOURS and I found the perfect monkey. PERFECT. Cause I want to get in his pants so bad care that much.

And that ladies, that is how you rope a man. Well, when he's far away. There is a much sluttier easier, much more fun way to rope in a man. I don't care what anyone says, it works! However that requires his presence and that is also a lesson for another day.

Let me lay it out for you

Here's what is going on with the boys.

Im still talking to Dentist on a daily basis, mostly over instant messenger or myspace. He's still the fucking hottest thing ever, we are still planning on hanging out when he comes home for Christmas.

Now in between trying to forget about Midland I ended up building a frienship with him again. We manage to have a heart to heart at least twice a week and well it's getting a little less complicated every time. The boy doesn't want to admit he's in love with me because he's afraid of getting hurt. I realize that I have to gain his trust back and I also realize it's no easy thing. Things have been going extremely well lately and we're making each other laugh again. It feels good, but Im still guarding my heart. No worries.

Ok the stupid loser who rejected me is still being a stupid loser. Now it turns out TWO of his roomates are in love with me, so that's why he can't hang out with me. HE still thinks Im hot, I still think he's a douche bag. He's a super cute douche bag, a douche bag who plays the guitar which makes him HOT. Damn him for having every single thing I find irresistible in a man, but for now Im not talking to him or his roomates.

So that's the boy situation in a nutshell. Still single, but not confused. Just waiting patiently to see what happens.

My Constant

When I'm lost in the rain,In your eyes I know I'll find the light to light my way.And when I'm scared,And losing ground,When my world is going crazy,You can turn it all around.And when I'm down you're there- pushing me to the top.
You're always there,giving me all you've got.

When I lose the will to win,
I just reach for you and
I can reach the sky again.
I can do anything
'Cause your love is so amazing,
'Cause your love inspires me.
And when I need a friend,
You're always on my side
Giving me faith
taking me through the night
For a shield from the storm,
For a friend, for a love
to keep me safe and warm
I turn to you.

I know we have our differences. I know that I've let you down too many times. I know that I don't deserve all you do and continue to do for me, but that is why you're the light of my life. Your compassion, love, forgiveness and encouragement drive me every day. I promise your prayers will not go unanswered, I promise I will make you proud one day. Im sorry Im not the daughter you deserve but I thank you for loving me despite of all my faults. I can't ever say that there is no one there, because you never leave me. You're my constant, my true friend, my heart.

This post brought to you by Love Thursday.

Love Thursday

A lot of the blogs I read on a daily basis are "Mommy blogs." I know it seems odd because I am a single, 20 something girl. My blog/life content is VERY different from those of the "Mommy" blogs. Well mostly because Im not a Mommy.

One of the Mommy bloggers, Chookooloonks started a blog movement called Love Thursday which has now turned into the website Love Is All Around

"Love Is All Around" is a site that proves that love is, indeed, all around us.Written by Irene Nam and Karen Walrond, this site arose from the popular "Love Thursday" submissions that have taken over the blogosphere. From personal stories and photographs submitted by readers, to anecdotes of love that make the front page news, you can find it all here. Because let's face it: you can never have too many reminders of love.

So today I decided I was going to start posting some love on "Love Thursday."



See that guy looking the other way in the picture? That is Santi.

Santi is one of my closest friends, someone who I've had many deep conversations with but most importanly someone whom I love very much.

That picture was taken the night I first met Santi in person. That's right I met someone from the internet, OMG, GASP!!!

Santi, Bob and I met on a message board, a message board about the Real World: Austin. We talked for months on that message board, about everything. One day the three of us decided that we had a lot of fun on the internet together so why not have fun together in like "real life."

So what better way for us to meet then at a club appearance of Ex Real World cast members:



See me in the front? See Mike "The Miz" behind me? See Santi flipping off "The Miz" in the background?

See that type of thing, that's what makes me love Santi. With Santi I've experienced many things, many firsts:

Skinny Dipping
Gay Bars
Latin Night at RCC
I met my BFF through him among others
This Blog
Kickball
Screaming Fights Downtown (2)

That boy is crazy, as crazy as I am, if not even more.

But that boy, that boy is also one of the most beautiful people I've ever met in my life. Santi is kind, patient, intelligent, selfless, truthful, blunt and passionate. You know what I love the most about Santi though? Santi loves hard.

Loving deeply and freely is a hard thing to do, something most people don't know how to do but Santi he does. Santi knows how to love. Although love is hurting Santi at the moment, Santi will never stop loving. He'll never stop seeing good in people and giving his heart out because although Santi is young he has figured out that Love, well it keeps this world spinning.

I love you Santi, I know you're hurting and I know it aches but you my friend will find love more beautiful than you've ever imagined because you have been true with love. You have been true with yourself and given all there is to give, it will not comeback empty. Nothing ever does, especially not love.

Thank you for all you've brought into my life, I have no words to express how thankful I am for your life and for your love in my life. Your soul is among the most beautiful souls on this planet and I am blessed that your life has touched mine.

I just don't know how to quit him

So Im trying to make some changes. Im removing the negative from my life and bringing in the positive. I talked about it in this blog entry.

Here is what I said I was going to kick to the curb:

1) Midland
2) Drinking
3) Sex
4) Dating

No Drinking: Check

I still haven't had anything to drink, 20 DAYS, but really who's counting?

No sex: Check

I have not had sex, the only action I've gotten in forever is from the floor and fondling my boob enhacement cup.

Dating: Check

Dating? What is that?

So as far as my list goes, so far so good, right?

WRONG!

#1 to quit: Midland

Im pretty sure quitting someone would mean no contact with them. Im also pretty sure that talking to them an hour every night on the phone for a week straight counts as contact. I could lie to you and tell you that really the conversations mean nothing, that it's just a part of the quitting him process, but then Id be lying and I would NEVER lie to you internet.

The things we've talked about:

1) Being nice to each other.
2) Letting go of the past.
3) Repairing our friendship.
4) Spending New Year's together.
5) How things will be when we get married.

That's right, when we get married. Not if we get married, when we get married. As in he wants to marry me as in we've talked about rings and me moving closer.

Marriage= not quitting someone FOREVER.

Midland= something I just don't know how to quit.

You know what really sucks?

Other than the fact that you're so bored at work that you write three blogs in one day.

It sucks when one of your really good friends starts dating this guy that you thought was super hot for the longest time.

She starts dating a guy that you've lusted over and even had a few dirty thoughts with, but really no need to go there.

What really sucks about the situation is that your friend had a boyfriend for the longest time, a boyfriend whom she almost married. While she was in this relationship you and her would joke around about how hot the guy she is dating now is and how man you'd really like to do X, X and X with him.

You and her never thought that she'd end up dating the hot guy, I mean she was getting close to making the biggest committment possible. Even after that whole marriage thing doesn't end up working out for her, you don't think anything of it. Well because she just got out of something super serious and well no one starts to date seriously again right after something like that.

Well except her apparently and with your luck luck she starts dating this super hot guy who you wanted to date. What sucks even more is that you can't be mad at her, because well you never called dibs on him, and really calling dibs on someone is super stupid and it should be against the law.

So there you are in this sucky situation because you want to be so mad and jealous that they are dating and you wish you could say something. Only you don't say anything because you end up hanging out with them and they are so super cute together, and you care for them both. You can't help but be genuinely happy for them.

And then to top it all off you pray that it works out for them because if it doesn't she ruined your changes with him, FOREVER. Because no matter how hot he is and how much you still secretely still lust after him, even if they broke up, you could never date him.

So here you are wishing that you could be pissed off because damn it, SHE MESSED IT ALL UP, but then you just smile because damn you love her and you hope for her that he is the one. Because SERIOUSLY, you don't want to get into ALL THAT mess when he's no longer hers.

Because as good of a friend you're being about the current situation, you just might be tempted to throw friendship out the window because, Damn he really is THAT hot*

*I'm kidding, Im a bitch but Im not THAT big of a bitch.

Or am I? *insert evil laughter here*

And you thought church might actually do some good for me, HAH.

Do you remember what today is?

Shakira night! Im so excited.

In other news Team Ramrod was defeated again last night. Santi and Snippy report the score as 8-0 I had a message from one of The Jerks we played last night, no really that's their name. He said the score was 11-0 but that we were a lot fun and that our catcher aka Bob was funny as hell. She really is funny when she plays kickball.


I also have to report that Im quite smitten with Dentist. Now if only he lived in Austin, but that can be forgiven seeing as him being away has to do with him completing Dental school. Im all up for long distance as long as in the end I become a Dr's wife. haha

I really like him though, I like him as much as I did the first time I saw him in Government class senior year. Im drooling almost as much now as I did back then, ok maybe a little more because he's going to be a dentist.

Ok Internet, seriously. I like him a lot. Just when I think he's going to dissapoint me or say something stupid, he says something wonderful and leaves with butterflies inside.