Friday, June 30, 2006

I owe you one

Internet I must apologize for the shitty blog yesterday. Actually, you know what? I don't apologize. I was freaking sleepy, hungover, and in a bitchy mood. I don't apologize for going to happy hour at 6 p.m. and for drinking all the way until 1 a.m. Yes, I cut myself off. (sign of growing up #2) Someone though was running their mouth saying that I was wasted and pissed. Pissed, yes. Wasted? Hardly. Thanks to the millions of people that stopped by as I was sitting on a stool to ask me if I needed water and what was wrong? Apparently its not normal to refuse shots, not take more drinks, and stop dancing. Now I feel like its my duty to apologize to all of those whom I do this to when they aren't wasted or drinking like me. (sorry Snippy)
However, Im not going to apologize for being pissed that ALL THOSE people were also being nice to Fake Boobs Maggie. How wasted do you have to be to be nice to her and to think its ok to ignore the feelings of Bob? You could blame it on the alcohol, but that's a lame excuse and you won't be able to convince me with that one. Men, gay, straight and bi ( oh yes that very much needs to be emphasized) are robbed of all brain functions when they have big boobs in their face, even more so when those boobs are really slutty boobs. There is no need to go any further right? After all it is friday and I don't care to think about that particular set of boobs.

I do have good news, I broke my streak. Im back, boys beware the monster has been unleashed.

I can't wait to leave work early today :)

First in the line up: Dinner with my family to celebreate my Sister becoming a Gringa. Congrats Pam! I am officially now the only Non-US citizen in my family. Don't worry kiddos Im working on that.

Second: Downtown with my partner in crime, like I said the monster has been unleashed, YAY.

Tomorrow hopefully floating the river, San Antonio for the latin boys, and lots of drinking but we all know that already. I have until Wed to recover from my weekend activities so its going to be bigger, better and crazier than normal this weekend and you have no idea how huge that is. Im going to be the girl your Mom warned you about.

Thursday, June 29, 2006

Too Sleepy

To Blog. That's all.

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Answered prayers.

Im sorry that once again I doubted that you would come through. I prayed so long for you to heal my heart, to make me whole on my own once again, to help me forget, to help me to not want, to help me move on. You have given me a blessing in disguise, you prepared me for it without me evening knowing. There is no sadness, loneliness, and yearning where I thought there would be. I thought I would be in despair, I thought there was no chance of me surving this thing. I didn't think I would come out in one piece. I know I do a lot of things that dissapoint you and because of that I tend to think you won't bother answering me. Why would you answer me? There are so many others that pray constantly, devote their life to you, and who live righteously. What I forgot is that you love us all the same and that you promised to not put us through something we couldn't get through. Thank you. I know my prayers aren't overlooked, I know my prayers aren't ever unanswered. I tend to forget that your time is not my time, and that your time is the right time. Thank you for keeping your promises even though I don't. I love you.

Tuesday, June 27, 2006


He has someone now. It hurts but Im going to be strong and be an adult about it. Only time will tell, Im no longer reaching out, he's happy and I will let him have that.

What's playing in my head.

Music Video Codes by

This is that song that isn't planning on leaving my head anytime soon, this happens quite often, and as soon as another one takes over I'll let you know.

Monday, June 26, 2006

The Tangled Webs That Weave Us

After the Academy Award Performance of Thurs night, I had a heart to heart with this person and it went extremely well. Its nice to know that you mean as much to someone as they mean to you. Now that we're both on the same page, there is a mutual understanding and boundaries have been set. So naturally we picked up right where we left off and headed out to 6th on Friday night. I met up with Steevan whom I hadn't seen in forever, I've known this guy since I was in 7th grade and its always extremely nice to catch up. It had almost been a year since I last saw him and we introduced our new friends to each other. Well actually his two new friends introduced themselves to me.
M: "Hey so you're Emma?"
Me: "Yes, I am, you're M right?
M: "Man, you know everyone in my life."
Me: "Really?"
M: "Yeah, everyone who Im friends with on myspace you're friends with, this girl I dated and you even know my apt complex manager."

a couple of minutes later

P: "So you're Emma."
Me: "Yup."
P: "Im P, man you're famous you know everyone."

Yeah Im a little embarrased, although I promise all the people we know mutually I didn't meet on myspace or anywhere on the internet. Atx is much too small, Santi and I always talk about how social circles never fail to have some sort of connection. For example: First night I met Santi I saw Lori who was one of my best friends in middle school and after she hugged me and said hi, she proceeded to hug Santi whom she had also known for a long time and we all freaked out that wow, this is a small world. Cat introduced me to one of her friends at her wedding and it just so happens that this person went to hs with him. Which brings me to the other part of this whole, "Atx is too small, " conclusion. I saw D that night too and he introduced me to his band mate, the manager of their band is His sister. It doesn't get much more random and crazy than that. I have known D for about 5 years, I met him through Steevan. D and I lived in the same apt complex while attending TX State in San Marcos, but his band mate goes to UT and knows His sister. He and I met a little bit over a year ago and dated on and off for about 7 months or so. He by the way is the love of my life, who I so stupidly lost and screwed things up beyond belief with. He is from Midland but was living in Alice, TX when I met him, he now lives in NM and pretty much hates me. Just so you know though I am absolutely, whole heartedly, crazy, madly in love with this man. So when I told D about the whole ex boyfriend and his manager connection he proceeded to tell me how he stayed at their parent's house in Midland during their tour and how absolutely amazing these people were. They are and that's just another thing I miss about having him.

Sorry I got sidetracked there for a little bit, this happens a lot, and it usually involves something about him.

We made it to Blind Pig Pub, Soho, and Dizzy Rooster. Nothing too exciting happened, but it was good to get my awesome friend and I back to normal.

Saturday was the awaited lake party with Santi. Santi had so graciously invited me to his brother's 30th birthday boat party a few weeks ago and I've been looking forward to it like crazy cause I absolutely <3 the lake and well I couldn't wait to meet the family of this insane character that is Santi. Santi said that they would have beer there but if there was anything that I wanted to drink in particular to just bring it along. Well I did, I B.Y.O.B.ed in style. I literally brought my own bar: tequila, salt, limes, margarita mix, wine, hypnotic and my awesome wine bottle opener. No im not an alcoholic, I just come prepared for spending time with Santi. It's not so much that he drives me to drink, but more like that boy is such a lush I was sure he could float the whole keg by himself. (I love you whorebagslutface) First went the bottle of wine because we couldn't wait for the boat to leave the dock to drink, it was too hot and well why drink water when you have alcohol available? Then came tequila shots with Aaron then margaritas, then more margaritas. After we docked off I stuffed my face with food and jumped in the water with a life jacket, I am super paranoid about party boats. The paranoia soon became non existent after my 3rd margarita and I went off the slide not one but three or four times. I did it of course making sure that someone was below me right next to the spot where I was landing ready to hand me a life jacket right away. I was having so much fun I convinced random girls to slide off with me, and life was great. Santi's family is awesome they had great food, beer, a party boat but mostly because when our driver was saying that , "Everyone better behave, not drink too much, or get out of control," his whole family including his Dad pointed to Santi and along with me said, "Yeah Santi!"
The party ended to quickly :(
However, who's up for renting a party boat before the summer is over?

Arlette, Luis and I met Pam (my gorgeous, way fun, amazing dancer, married sister) at Vicci. I don't know if it was my hot Corset top or maybe the sun I had gotten that day but from the moment I was standing in line to the moment I left I had boys wanting to dance with me. At one point I had two of them arguing over who I was going to dance with. Of course the bolder and Honduran one won (speaking of it being a small world, this guy happened to be from one of the poorest/worst neighborhoods in Honduras, called Tepiaca. My Grandma always says that her grandaughters need to get away from Honduras so they don't end up marrying an , "Indio from Tepiaca." Pam and I were cracking up because I didn't have to go all the way to Honduras to find me one, Grandma would be proud). He didn't leave me alone pretty much the whole night and when he did some other guy was right there. It was a boost to my ego and I have now made a note to wear that top out more often because I've only worn it once since I bought it in Dec. and obviously that was a mistake. We danced at Vicci until about 3 a.m.

We saw one of Pam's co-workers outside of Vicci, he happens to be extremely hot, Columbian and super nice. So of course Luis being the awesomely hot, gay, funny guy that he is says:
"There must be something wrong with him."
Arlette and I: "Why?"
Luis: "Well, he's single. "
Arlette and I: "So, that doesn't mean anything. "
Luis: "Trust me he either has a small penis or dingleberries."
Me: (cracking up in uncontrollable laughter) "You're so bad."
Arlette: (confused) What's a dingleberry?
Me: "Omg, its so gross." "This guy I used to date gave me that as a pet name, that's the only reason I know what it is."
Luis: "Gross."

Of course Luis did a good, graphic job of explaining dingleberries to Arlette and I didn't stop laughing the whole time.

Pam and I made a run to Taco C and I swear that is the LONGEST I have waited for food EVER in my life. The night turned out to be a very late one because my brother in law needed to be rescued from a bachelor party at the Omni. Needless to say I spent all of sunday napping and watching tv. The weekend couldn't have gone any better, Im so ready for friday.

Friday, June 23, 2006

Can't get Midland off My Mind

Because when he's holding you,Know that it's killing me, Let my memory be the reason girl That you can't sleepAnd everytime you feel his touch,I pray to God it's not enough And that I've touched your heart so deep Girl, you can't shake me Cause I love you,Yes I need you,Miss me baby. Everytime you hear this song,Miss me baby...
-Chris Cagle, Miss Me Baby

Its a long story, one that Im sure if you get to know me you will hear. My heart is out west, and honestly I don't think I'll ever get it back. I hope that when he holds someone else he realizes how much its killing me, and I want my memory to be the reason he can't sleep, and everytime he feels her touch I pray to God its not enough and I hope I touched his heart so deep that he can't shake me. I love him, I need him, I want him to miss me. Everytime he hears this song I want him to think of me. I know that I don't need this song to feel, want, and hope those very things. I already do, every minute of every day.

This is all I have to say

It was innocent.
I did not want the outcome you thought I wanted.

Im sorry it hurt you, I didn't mean to.
You mean the world to me.



Thursday, June 22, 2006

Just When I was Down About Boys...

All my dreams are about to come true: (from

Page Six reports: JUSTIN Timberlake has shown Cameron Diaz the door, so he can sow his wild oats. The hit-making horndog axed his love of three years because, "he's poised to leave on a world tour and he wants to be free," says veteran gossip Janet Charlton, whose new Web site,, debuts today. She says Timberlake made his decision after he and his pals went on a stag weekend to Las Vegas and Cameron "went chasing after him. She was just too clingy." Diaz, said to be "devastated," has had bad luck before. Her past flames include Matt Dillon and Jared Leto.

Emma Says: Im about to become Mrs. Justin Timberlake and the world will be perfect and if not the world now has a chance to be ALMOST perfect. Why you ask? Well Im pretty sure that Justin and Britney will get back together now seeing as K-Fed is almost kicked out as well. I mean this is the dream of every girl and gay boy my age, Britney being hot again, JT and Britney forever <3

Thank You 93.3

For my first laugh of the day.

older woman on the phone: Yah I want to give a shout out to my bf in prison
dj: oh really what prison?
older woman: Gatesville
me: omg, this woman is being serious, this radio station is so ghetto
dj: so when does he get out?
older woman: Feb
dj: oh so not too long until he gets out, how long has he been in there?
older woman: 8 years
me: omg this woman is stupid
dj: 8 YEARS, you've waited for him that long?
older woman: well no, actually I met him when he was already in prison
me: omg I totally see this in my future
dj: Well good luck with that, I mean once he gets out Im sure that relationship will work out really well. All relationships like this turn out to be really healthy and long. Good for you.
older woman: Yes, it will, I hope so.
me: This woman really believes this. Wow.

my morning prayer:

Dear God,
I know that Im really bad, I know Im a sinner, I know I've fucked up a lot of relationships. God please don't let me become "older woman."

love you,

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

The things I forgot

Im all over the place today but some important things need to be added:

nice guy: (on the way to beer pong) I had dinner with my EX's Dad today.
me: That's weird
me now: I should have known.

Craziest and I having an adult conversation in the kitchen, NOT FLIRTING or TOUCHING
17 y/o drunk girl: So did you fuck him yet?
me in my head: Im gonna beat her ass
me: THAT'S how I knew you were 17 the minute you walked.
17 y/o drunk girl: Gets a dumb look on her face and can't believe I just said that, goes outside to tell the guys that Im a bitch.
Guys: 17 y/o drunk said you were a bitch.
me: Yeah I already knew that, they don't call me #1 bitch for nothing


So people keep lying to me and tell me that there is someone out there for me and that nice guys REALLY do exist. Liars. Last night I almost didn't make it to beer pong because well as much as that type of game excites others, Im just not that interested. However it was an opportunity to hang out with two guys who were very important to my hs experience and well they are just too much fun. However, most importantly they are "nice" guys. Remember the guy that I talked about on my blog yesterday? The one that college did a lot of good to, the one that I had great conversation with, the one that professed his love for me at the end of the night. Remember him? Well over drinks the other night he told Arlette and I how he had just gotten out of a long relationship and that the reason it happened was because his ex gave him the ultimatum of you marry me or we break up. Stupid girl. So of course he says he broke it off. Luckily it seems that in the past few months I've grown up quite a bit and I can resist guys Im attracted to, I have been able to act cool, not to kiss them right away, and not to jump into things too fast. Thank God for that, its turning out to work out pretty well. I mean I am doing this sober and not so sober, now that ladies and gentlemen is a sign that I am quite possibly becoming an adult. A responsible adult, an adult who can control attraction, hormones, who thinks before she acts. Now where was this a year ago? I really could have used that back then, but I guess this new found maturity is coming from losing the one thing I really want back. That experience as horrible as it was and as much as it haunts me, has made me a better person. Now if only HE could see that. So what I was getting to is that last night when I hung out with this super nice guy, who had just broken up with his gf, I find out the truth. Even though last night he told me he liked me, and it wasn't about sex. It was. The craziest guy in the world (host of beer pong) told me that this guy just needed to get laid. How do I find out that this SUPER nice guy still has this gf?

me: is he on the phone with his ex?
craziest: his soon to be fiance actually
me: what?
craziest: yeah she gave him some crazy ultimatum and he's just too nice, he really needs to get laid

me in my head: So glad I didn't kiss last night
me in my head: BUT this is one of the nicest guys in the world
me in my head: See Emma there are no nice guys left out there
me in my head: He's for sure not getting any from me
me in my head: He's an asshole
me in my head: All guys are assholes

The whole beer pong thing just isn't for me, neither are house parties. Being the only female in the room I knew right away that the two girls that walked in were underage, Im thinking 18-20 or so, no my friends they were 17. I guess I should have figured with the way they shrieked and acted like lesbians. Attention whores are just so not pretty, I mean don't get me wrong Im an attention whore, but a sophisticated one. Hah. So I proceed to tell "nice guy" that damn I hate shrieky girls, and how gross it is that they are 17. Every single guy in that room concludes that,"Hey 17 is legal in TX." So the flirting continues and Im more annoyed. This was a good thing since I didn't want to be hit on by these guys anyway. However I did inform Craziest that well it is illegal to distribute alcohol to minors, at which point he got nervous and the girls did end up leaving. I was tired from my previous night of 3 hrs of sleep and well I fell asleep on the lazy boy, I get woken up at 4 a.m. and "nice guy" is spending the night. Wtf? He was supposed to take me home, you really are a complete asshole. Stupid, naive me still can't believe it. I mean I've known him for 9 years and in my mind he was that one person that just couldn't be any nicer. Im telling you penis = asshole. However, Craziest came through and took me home and here I am at work, having just thrown up, and on two hours of sleep. I know what you're thinking, Emma you weren't so mature last night you played beer pong and threw up at work today. However, let me remind you that I am in the process of maturing. You're also probably thinking, that there are nice guys left because Craziest took you home at 4 a.m.
Well yes he did, but not before hitting on me and then later confessing that he's trying to get this girl he wants to marry to move here but she won't. All I have to say is where the hell is 5 p.m.?

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

The Blog where I apologize to Santi twice

I suck at this whole blogging thing :( Sorry Santi since I know you're the only one that reads this. I promise as of today that I will begin to post daily about my lame and lonely interesting, crazy ass life.

Vacation was wonderful! It was really good to spend time with my parents and Emilio, amazing how good of a time you can actually manage to have with your family. Although I admit it was mostly three of us making fun of how crazy dorky my Dad is, I guess that's where I get it from. We spent a day at the beach in Tampa and then did the whole Disney World and Universal thing for the rest of time. I have a great tan now :)
The best really was becoming a kid all over again, I know its so very cliche saying that but its true. Disney World will never seize to amaze, its a whole different world, a happy perfect world. So it was a nice change, but Im more of a reality fan then fantasy so Im glad to be back in town. Work sucks however the party bug that has hit me does not, I've been quite the social butterfly the past week and a 1/2 and its a good role for me. I even went out last night, yeah I went downtown on a monday. I met up with an old friend from hs, a really really nice guy. I must say that college and the real world do dorky boys a lot of good. He surprisingly looked really good, was really nice, and we had awesome conversation. The problem: he goes to school out of state, his dream career will take place very far away from Austin, and well I just don't want to go there. Arlette came out and joined us for drinks and some dancing and get this we're going to play beer pong tonight! Yeah Im going to behave like a frat boy tonight but this is appropriate when hanging out with Sam aka the Craziest Guy In the World (sorry Santi).

Saturday, June 03, 2006

this is an audio post - click to play

Friday, June 02, 2006

On my way to find my sunrise!

Where does one go to do that? THE SUNSHINE STATE! I will be leaving for Florida tomorrow morning with my parents and brother. I am sooooo excited, its been a long time since I've had a real vacation. We're going to Tampa for a few days, yay beach! Then we're going to the best place on earth, Disney World. It will be great to unwind, relax, and be a tourist. I hope to become a kid all over again and fully enjoy Disney World. Last time I went to Disney World I was 14 and much too cool for the shows and Epcot Center. This time the experience will be completely different because now I have no reason to thought of as cool. I will be back on Sunday the 11th. You guys pray for a safe trip for us on the road, cause we all now I'll take care of the having fun part!

15 with Mickey at my last Disney trip

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Thursday, June 01, 2006

My Body Model

So I've been on a little bit of a weight loss journey for about a month now, the exciting thing is that I've lost 10 pounds in a month, which is really healthy and Im looking better! That's the best part. Im not going to share with you what I was weighing, what I am now, and I what I want to be. However I did do this body model to show how the whole journey has been going or should go.

When I started.

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Where I hope to be.

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Us Hondurans are retarded when it comes to the internet and well I can't blog just right yet. My html code for links don't work on my previous posts but here are the addresses to Santi and Stephanies blogs: