Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Oh by the way...

"Im single again, LOL."

That's how Midland, the love of my life ended his myspace message to me last night. He first apologized for accusing me of calling/emailing his work and getting him in trouble. Of course I didn't do that, so he apologized for thinking it was me but he also had to throw in that he was single again. Honestly I didn't think it was an LOL type of situation. I thought breaking up with someone who you called Baby, and who you said I love you to is supposed to be emotional, even sad. Or at least it was for us when we broke up.

Me: It's funny that you're single again?
Midland: It only lasted three weeks, she turned out to be a psycho too faced bitch.

He called me that once.

Me: Oh so she turned out to be an Emma?
Midland: No you're just crazy about me, she's psycho and has to take drugs for it.
Midland message #2:

Subject: P.S.

You look great in your pictures.

I can't believe the 25 y/o single mother who worked at Hooters didn't turn out to be the love of his life! Im totally surprised that she's so pyscho that she has to take "drugs" for it. Isn't crack whore part of the job description for Hooters Girl? He's very luck that he didn't end up becoming her Baby Daddy. No, you don't have to be the biological father to be a Baby Daddy. My Brother's Boss who is a successful, super hot and extremely nice 25 y/o is a Baby Daddy. His Baby Momma is pyscho and Im not using psycho lightly here, I mean the woman showed up at my b-day dinner with kid in tow un-invited after checking his voice mail and hearing where we were going to be at, and that is a mild instance of psychoness on her part. The kid isn't even his but he's Baby Daddy.

So back to Midland, I think the reason he said LOL after he told me was single was because he thought that maybe after I read that I would be laughing at him. Im sure he thought I was thinking to myself how much of an asshole he is, and that he totally deserved it. He forgot something, I love him. When I say I love him, Im not just throwing that around. I mean it. I meant it enough to walk away from him when I found out he was with her,I meant it enough to step away, move on and let him enjoy his happiness. I didn't say one single word about it, I sucked it up, cried alone and kept everything I felt to myself. I kept myself from emailing him to make fun of him or remind him how much better I am than the Hooters Mom. I know for most people that would be easy to do, but not for me. He wasn't lying, I was crazy about him. Midland forgot about something though, a promise, I promise I made to him while we were together. He told me in tears that no one ever understood him, that everyone always left him. I promised him that no matter what I would never leave him, I promised I would always be there. He forgot that I love him.

I love him, with all my heart. I never stopped loving him despite finding out he was dating this girl or despite that fact that Im attempting to move on. Of course Im not looking to get back together with him, surprisingly the news he wasn't with her anymore made me more sad for him than anything. You'd think I would be happier that this means I might have another chance with him. I don't have another chance with him and as much as I would like that sometimes, realistically speaking it would not be good for us. A month ago I would have jumped for joy, I would have called everyone who I thought might care. Right now Im simply just sorry for him. For once Im not resting all hopes and emotions in him and that makes me feel really empowered.

Regardless about what others might say I know what true love is. The world has this ideal of what true love is, that's what I've always thought until now. True love is not what I've always thought it to be, true love is exactly opposite of what I imagined. True love is deeply caring for someone and standing by as they make their lives with or without you, but always wishing them the best. True love is being there for them when they need you the most, but most importantly it's learing to let go when they need to be let go. True love is to laugh when they laugh, but more importantly to hurt when they hurt. True love is to cherish the good things that you had with them and to hold onto them in your heart, but more importantly true love is to forgive and throw out all the wrong that was done and to learn from it. True love for me is Midland.

No comments: