Thursday, August 10, 2006

You know what? It's ok to like THEM.

Sorry for my absence yesterday, I had important things to do, like sleep. I wasn't feeling up for anything yesterday, I went to sleep in a shitty mood on tuesday night and I woke up feeling even shittier yesterday morning.

I was very excited to see Talladega Nights on tuesday and that didn't end up happening, which made me very very very pissed off and sad. I want to see that movie SOOOOO bad and I wanted to see Snippy and Cat even more. However, someone screwed it up for me big time and I should have known better to even attempt to have some fun with her. Sorry Bob that you had to purchase the tickets and I have your money for those.

So of course lack of Will Farrell, Snippy and Bob= a very sad, pissed off me.

To make matters worse I sent Cali a message and I got no response, I cried all night. I didn't cry all night because of Cali, but I cried because I realize now that I have become such a girl. All my life I have been one of the guys, and I love that, I miss that.

When all the girls I knew would bitch about how much assholes guys were I was the one girl defending them. All my life I have never believed that men are out to get me. When a guy apologized to me, I believed them. When they weren't that into me I would say fuck it and be friends with them, because you know what? I chose to believe them when they said, "I want to be friends with you."

Every single man that I have ever dated I am still on good terms with. I have always made it a point to leave a relationship when there is still respect left. I have chosen to learn from the mistakes that were made in that relationship, to move on happy that I was a wiser person because of it. I am proud of that and it's so good when you can run into one of those guys and they remember you so fondly.

I remember losing my best girl friend in 5th grade, I remember hurting for her friendship. It sucked that she stole all my other girl friends and they were no longer allowed to talk to me. I didn't want to be that friendless girl, so I became friends with the guys in my class. Ever since then I have become a guy's guy. I went through middle school, high school, and now college with my best friend's being male.

The thing with my male friends is that we don't have to see each other every day or for even months. However, we always get back to where we were, Im always home with them. I don't talk to them about relationships, I have fun with them. We drink beer, we cuss, we laugh, and we check out tits and ass. It's fun. It makes me happy to be one of the guys, to know that Im surrounded by men who actually appreciate my company. When I was one of the guys, I never felt lonely, or sad that I didn't have a bf. When I did start dating someone they loved that I was a guy's girl.

Now though, I've developed this attitude with men. I don't try and make friends with men, I automatically put them in categories: dateable or not dateable. That's just plain sick. You know what? That dorky guy that talked to me might actually have something interesting to say, hell he might even be funny. I might actually enjoy his company, or how about that hot guy? Why do I automatically try so hard to get them to like me? Shouldn't he have to work for it?

Im not going to hate Cali for not writing me back right away, he doesn't have to. The guy really wants to be friends with me, he's written me back twice since the un-responded message. I was advised that I should just not talk to the asshole, that it would make him more interested in me. You know what?

NO! I wrote him back, because I want to be friends with him too. I am going to go to his show tonight because he invited me and he thought it would be cool if I stopped by. I am going to go with my good friend, Stephen. A guy I have known since I was in 7th grade, a guy who I can have beers with, a guy who makes me laugh and who makes me comfortable.

I am going to give Cali the benefit of the doubt and Im going to accept his apology for Saturday night. Im choosing to believe him that he is sorry and that he wants to be my friend. You know what else Im going to do?

Im going to actually be his friend. Im not going to drool over him, or flirt with him, or try to take all his time. Im going to give him my opinion of the show, Im going to talk to the rest of his friends, Im going to talk to MY friend. Im going to say good-bye not in hope that I get a call back, a message, or a kiss. Im going to say good-bye in hopes that we can develop a friendship, because Im ready to be free of my hate for men.

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