Dear Idiot Who Rejected Me,

First let me start off by telling you that you're not as clever as you think. I might be the last one caught up on what you do to girls, but I'm clued in now. So give it up.

Last night when you answered the door at your house, I'm sure you thought I was there to see you. Yes, you're hot, but not hot enough for me to be all psycho over you. I didn't even want to go knock on the door until I talked to Carlos but I assumed Carlos was going to answer the door since his car was there and he was waiting for me. It's not my fault Carlos was out in a different car, but that's besides the point.

Although, I must thank you for revealing the true reason for your rejection, your gay. Good thing my lack of a penis is what kept you from going out to dinner with me. Don't try and deny it, if you were straight you wouldn't have pointed out that, "You're a man therefore you're watching sports."

Next time you want to convince me your not gay don't do it by calling my Mom a M.I.L.F. I mean I know she's hot and all, but knowing that you have had dirty thoughts about my Mother is just plain wrong.

You probably thought I was flirting with you when I was being rude to you. *Newsflash* We're not in kindergarten. When I say I hate you, I really hate you. Also when I said you suck and you're a tool, yeah, NOT KIDDING. Cause, Dude you REALLY suck. Apparently literally cause you're gay.

When I punched you, of course it hurt.I've been wanting to punch you for a long time, so when you started flirting with me by chasing me around and hitting me with the curtain rod, I punched you and damn hard. It felt good and given the chance Id do it again, HARDER. While we're at it, yes you were flirting, BIG TIME.

when you cut out a tiny paper heart with your pocket knife and gave it to the girl sitting next to me, it didn't make me jealous. Especially because I know that girl is awesome and can see right through you. That is why I laughed so hard when she ripped it up and gave it right back to you. She's bad ass, really she is. Too bad you were just acting hurt when that happened, I wish it would have hurt you for real.

I will admit that you're an awesome guitar player and probably the only reason I still find you attractive, me and every other girl for that matter. Especially when you bust out with my favorite John Mayer song. I know you know it's my favorite. Fucker. I do thank you for playing for us while we sang and thanks again that you're playing for us on Sunday. How does it feel to be used?

Having that awesome girl show me the exchange you've had with her on my space, was priceless. That's right! I read it ALL. You're so stupid. Amazing with words, yes. Good thing you didn't say those things you said to her to me because I'm stupid enough to were I would have believed you. The funny thing is that she doesn't even know I asked you out and that you rejected me. She just wanted to share with another girl how you play mind games with girls and how she beats you when you try to play them with her. Too bad I wasn't smart enough to do that.

So maybe I found out a little too late. So maybe I seem stupid to you. So maybe I provided you with a little entertainment. OK, you win and I lose. Too bad for you it wasn't a knock out, that was round one. I'm winning round 2 and I'm gonna knock you the fuck out. Because us Honduran bitches we kick, ESPECIALLY when you're down.

Love,

Me