diverted path

I saw a piece of myself in you today. One piece. A miniscule piece. Most would find satisfaction in that. I'm never most, especially not when it comes to you. Seeing me wallow in my inadequacies is how you acquire gratification. I am the source of all your strenght.

Your lies do not betray me. I will go foward in sustaining them. I do this for you, the world revolves around you. I can't have my world stop. What would happen to you then?

You're the worst kind. You almost believe the tall tale which you've written. One by one they will fall and I will be there to hold the blame. I will take on that cowardly face because your frailty is my problem.

It's all mine. So give my little piece back, after all it never belonged there in the first place.

Christmas came early

Do you know who came into town today?

Well, yes my cousin, aunt and friend did BUT also, DENTIST!

He's in Austin, no I haven't seen him or talked to him yet but I could anytime I wanted to. I still remember where he lives from when we dated in highschool and if I have problems picking out the exact house all I have to do is bring along my prom pictures that were taken in front of his house. But I would NEVER do that, I'm not THAT psycho.

I'm a playa on the Internet

Last night I was having a late night conversation via Myspace with the guy who rejected me, at the exact same time I was having a conversation with his best friend. The best part is that at the time they were only separated by bedroom walls.

The guy who rejected me continues to flirt and since I've caught on to his little game he doesn't have the upper hand anymore. I've been really brutal in shutting him down. He predictably responds by trying to call me out on my shit, only it's not shit, it's damn real. I mean it when I say I don't like him and that no I don't want to go out on a date with his fat ass roomate. I don't care if this is the season for giving, I'll give him a big fat kick in the balls if he keeps it up. I take pity on no one.


His best friend has really grown on me though. He's a very sweet, quiet and nerdy guy. Well, Hello! I love nerds. Perfect. Only I have to be very careful in what I say or do cause who knows what the loser who rejected me has said about me to him. In the meanwhile we hang out and talk Sci-Fi and Psychology. I hate Sci-Fi, it makes me want to poke my eyes out but being a playa is all about impressing, even if you have to fake it a little bit.

Busy as a Bee!

So I've been having rehersals for our Christmas production at Church every single night til 1 a.m.

We also have about 10 people, NO JOKE, coming to stay with us for Christmas which prompted my Mom to finally let me re-decorate my room. So there is no time for blogging and I'm sorry.

I'll be completely free after Sunday, and might I remind you that I start drinking again on the 21st? Yeah, didn't think so. That's like next week, mexican martinis anyone?

Love you Internet.

Dear Parents that I love so much,

Stop stealing my car! I know that you are also aware that I have no social life, but sometimes I make plans.

Sorry Snippy!

Remember when I was 16 and you'd hide the keys from me because I was in trouble? Yeah, remember? Well I'm going to start doing that to you guys. Only if I do I end up being the selfish, spoiled, brat anyway.

The only reason I'd ever have kids is so that for once I could always be right.

Hey Genius,

Don't wear sweats when jogging.

You're going to sweat the balls that you don't have off...

Ewwwww.

Return of the dumbass who rejected me

In strolls dumbass who rejected me with a shirt that reads Your Mom is on my Top 8.

Me: Nice shirt.
Him: No, seriously I wish your Mom had a myspace, she'd be on my top 8 for sure. Wow, your Mom is seriously so hot.
Me: Attempts to kick him in the balls.
Him: Blocks me.

Seriously though, wtf?


On another note the Dude really is gay, he came back into town with highlights in his hair. Who does that? Seriously.

I like to dress up and take pictures of myself

It's a shame no one offered to take me out on a date last night isn't it?

Free

I fully intended for this blog to be all about the work or lack of situation. I was going to explain to you guys why my blogs have been so short, lacking content and even more boring than usual. I was going to tell you how my life has been consumed by stress, anger and hate. I was going to share that I finally know what it's like to detest getting up in the mornings. I can't.

A rainy drive home helped me decide that last night. It was the most beautiful thing I have seen in a long time. I felt so close to God at that moment that it made me ashamed of how ungrateful and pouty I have been over the past few weeks. So what if I hate my job? So what if my boss makes me want to rip my hair out and jump of a building? So what? I'm healthy, I have a roof over my head, a family that adores me and friends who support me in my madness.

This drive took place on the road that my Brother has his accident on, I am petrified by that road. I hate to drive on it, but I do, because it's very central to were I live. When this road is wet it is deadly, causing many accidents, my brother's included. So at midnight last night in the pouring rain I turned off the music, turned on my high beams and drove 30 miles per hour. When I looked up the high beams light up the sky. I could see the wind melodically hugging the rain as it poured over me. The sky opened up like a giant faucet and I was cleansed.

In that moment all my worries, stress, and sadness was washed away . Tears started rolling down my face while I smiled and I thanked God for the very place I am at in my life right now. It's not what I saw coming but it's what was meant to happen. I have peace that I will get to my destiny even if it means taking a different path towards it.

It's so fitting that this is my last Nablopomo entry, because it amazes me how much can change in a month. Im free of the burden that was my job, I'm free from alcohol, free from feeling lonely, sad and depressed, but most of all I am free from this blog.

A small update

I'm feeling much better today, and without the help of alcohol, still goign strong woohoo!

I can't tell you exactly what the situation is yet because the final details haven't been worked out yet, but they should be tomorrow.

It has to do with my job and the fact that I am no longer there. It really was a very stressfull shitty situation and I am ready to move on to bigger and better things. I need to finish school and this was the kick in the ass I needed to finally get it done and over with.

I will give you all the details tomorrow and I'm going to be talking lots of shit about a certain someone, their ears are going to be ringing for years. HA! Take that bitch. Really though, it isn't shit if it's true.

I can't keep promises

I know I said that I was going to tell you all about why yesterday was such a bad day, and I would but I can't. There are things going on right now that I need to keep my mouth shut about until they are resolved.

I hope to have everything resolved tomorrow. I'm scared because I don't know how strong I can be but I know that I have to stand up for myself. I need to stop caring about others when they just don't care about me.

Too many times I watch out for the well being of others and forget my own. I can't continue to do that anymore. If they want me to care about them then I need for them to show me they care about me. I'm not going to take it anymore, things have got to change.

Bad

I have had a horrible day today. I will fill you guys in tomorrow, right now I just want to go to bed and sleep in.

I PROMISE I will let you guys in on everything tomorrow.

In the meanwhile just say a little prayer for me, send hugs, and kisses I need them.

I will also accept massages need one of those, REALLY BAD.

All good things must come to an end

Back to work tomorrow. It makes me want to throw myself on the floor, throw my arms and legs about while crying and screaming.

Actually, I kind of already did that a second ago. Yeah I'm totally really sophisticated.

I give up

I have NOTHING to write about. I've been waiting for something to pop up for days but I don't want to write about Midland anymore and I don't have anything going on.

I've been at home the past three days, watching tv, movies, doing nothing.

I'm pretty sure this is the worst I've ever sucked.

Content?

What is that?

You weren't expecting that here were you?

How am I supposed to function after the horrible display The Horns put on? Way to end a fucking awful season. Giving Aggies bragging rights for a whole fucking year? Absolutely fucking wonderful.

Just as wonderful as missing Blue October tonight, ugghh. Excuse me I need to go get fatter.

Too. Much. Turkey.

Brain Dead.

I'm going to go stuff myself again.

Sugar coma here I come.

My family is scandalous

I'm not the blackest sheep in the family.

Yesterday I found out one of my family members was arrested, I'm not surprised. As awful as what he might have done may be, Im not surprised at all. It's gross.

Another one of my family members (different side) just confessed to having a child out of his marriage, the little girl is four years old.

The best part is that we've been laughing about it all day. If you can't find comic relief in how crazy your family is then you might spend every day on this earth cursing the heavens.

So appreciate your family, even if they're fucked up. Really fucked up.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Almost quitting time

Im busy Internet, SUPER BUSY.

Stay with me, give me a break, I know I've sucked the past few days. More than usual, but it's almost all over for a good while.

Im doing the impossible at work right now, that's very stressful you know?

Just take my word for it.

No going back

I booked my plane ticket to Midland for 12/28, I will be there until the 2nd. Im super excited. I can't wait to be with Midland again, I told myself I wasn't going to dive in head first but I can't help it.

Sometimes you just know.

I know where and with whom I'm supposed to be with.

There is no going back in my heart, I'm all in.

I suck

Phew! Almost missed midnight, but that's ok.

I would write something meaningful except for I haven't been home since 9:30 a.m. and I just got done cooking for 20 people, I smell like fajitas and I need a shower.

Worst one so far?

Yeah I think so.